gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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