it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
