Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize