Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
