just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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