meet me or not, i'm out of control
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
