I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if only i could text you this smell
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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