it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
