Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
