I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
sex in a hospital.. check
you made out with another girl for some wings
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
