I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I don't want my vagina anymore.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize