dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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