you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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