all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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