New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
