I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
