Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
