Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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