so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
