Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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