eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
