Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
