Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
