Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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