We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
