he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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