It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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