I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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