I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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