Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
