you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
