cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
