New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
