before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
