the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
