you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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