I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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