Cold hands, warm shart.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the liver wants what the liver wants
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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