I hope mine doesn't look like that
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
