He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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