it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
