i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
