so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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