Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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