but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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