actually, I'm a sock model
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
