i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
