I think I won the penis lottery.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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