You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
