He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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