found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
