Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
