i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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