I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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