Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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