The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ketchup is God's man juice
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
