does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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