Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
