About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
