one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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