oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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