dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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