She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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