i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
