I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
