i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize