Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
