I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
