I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
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his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
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My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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