tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
