I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
